The HeroTV Christmas Eve Special
by Darke Angelus
Summary: All of the Heroes have to participate in the annual holiday special, which is always more of a hassle than anything else. Things are looking like certain disaster until Sky High's magic brownies make an appearance one hour before show-time. COMPLETE
1. Rehearsals

Many thanks to all of my wonderful readers. Happy Holidays to you and best wishes for a glorious 2012! Cheers!

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><p><strong>December 14, 1977.<strong>

Barnaby Brooks Jr. took one look at his pale-faced partner walking slowly into the office and remarked, "Hung over again? Must be a day that ends in a Y."

Kotetsu T. Kaburagi had two modes in the morning: Highly Exuberant, where he shouted "Good morning!" to everyone within earshot (often receiving disinterested grunts in return), and Walking Dead, where he didn't have the strength to lift his head as he shuffled to his work station. This morning appeared to be the latter. The Hero collapsed into his chair and promptly laid across his desk, his head resting on folded arms. "'m not hung over . . . 'm sick," he said, his words muffled.

Barnaby promptly pushed his own chair back to the furthest limit of his work area. "Why on earth did you come into work?" he cried, reaching for the Purell bottle and brandishing it like a cross against a vampire.

"Cause a Hero-" Kotetsu grabbed a Kleenex from the box on his desk and sneezed into it. "Never takes a sick day-" He blew his nose like a trumpet. "So long as people-" He started coughing. "Need help-" He finished the speech by hawking up some phlegm and spitting it into the tissue.

Barnaby, already pallid, looked almost gray from what he'd just witnessed. Their two desks were pressed against each other without so much as a partition between them. He could almost see the countless legions of germs jumping across the quarter-inch seam between their work stations and invading his sterile territory. "Go home."

"Nuh-uh. Can't make me."

Getting up from his desk, Barnaby began marching towards the corridor to freedom. "Well, I'm not going to work with you-"

"The minute you're outta sight, I'm gonna lick something on your desk," Kotetsu called after him.

Barnaby whirled, eyes bulging from behind his glasses. "You-you wouldn't dare! Why would you do something like that?"

"Cause we're partners. We're supposed to support each other. Even when one of us is sick." Kotetsu looked almost to tears at the prospect of being abandoned.

"I'm not your mother!"

Kotetsu sniffed forlornly. Whether he was in snorting back snot or tears Barnaby didn't know, and he wasn't going any closer to check. He felt trapped and didn't like it. On one side of him was freedom, and on the other was the prospect of a thorough decontamination of his work space. Because Kotetsu would make good on his threat. There was absolutely no doubt about _that_.

Mercifully, it was Lloyds who broke the stalemate. The door to his office opened and he poked his head out. "Barnaby, Kotetsu, please come into my office."

In his mind, Barnaby was already preparing a filibuster on the merits of sending his partner home. Kotetsu followed along like a beaten dog, wondering what he'd done wrong this time.

When they walked up to their boss's desk, Lloyds handed them each a Manila envelope. Barnaby looked at it in confusion and then ripped the seal to peer inside. Kotetsu knew what it was immediately and dropped it back on the desk as if he'd been burnt.

"_'First draft script of the HeroTV Christmas Eve special'_," Barnaby was reading the header. The entire thing was about fifty pages thick. He looked at his boss in confusion.

"No, no, no," Kotetsu was mumbling. "I haven't had to do this thing the last three years. I do the patrol so the others can ham it up for the camera. That's the arrangement."

"That _was_ the arrangement you had with TopMag," Lloyds said. "This year your obligation is to work with your partner and the rest of the Heroes."

"So who got the patrol duty?"

"Fire Emblem. Kronos Foods has placed a restraining order on him in favour of their Hero Rock Bison, citing some sort of sexual harassment. Until the matter is resolved, the two can't be within one hundred feet of one another."

"Great," Kotetsu snatched the envelope and flopped down into one of the nearby loveseats in defeat, reading through it and grumbling under his breath.

"This is all new to me," Barnaby said, staring at Lloyds. "I'd appreciate some more information."

"It's a one hour live event that runs on Christmas Eve. We film it on location in Central Park near the big pond. There's skating, a snowball fight, talks around a campfire, and singing-" When he said that, Kotetsu released a sickly moan from his seat. Lloyds pretended not to notice. "In general, it's a saccharine, schmaltzy display of solidarity against all the Heroes who normally act as rivals all other times of the year. The public eats it right up."

Barnaby sat down opposite Kotetsu and read through his own packet. There was something Lloyds had said that unnerved him and he found it ten pages in. "I have to skate?"

"It's easy. I'll teach you," Kotetsu responded. The pages of his script were scattered across his lap, the coffee table, and all over the loveseat.

"You. Teach me," Barnaby said coolly.

"My wife figure skated and my kid is in the Junior Nationals. I know a few moves-" he sneezed into his hand and then wiped it on his pants. Barnaby was starting to turn a little green at the sight.

It was the first time that Lloyds noticed Kotetsu's current state. "Mr. Kaburagi, are you sick?"

"Yeah . . ." Realization dawned on Kotetsu's face and he looked hopefully over at his boss. "Does that mean-"

"No, you're not excused. The airing of the special doesn't take place for ten days. I should think you'll be in better health by then."

Barnaby still looked squeamish. "He might be, but what if he infects the rest of us?"

Lloyds looked at him and sighed. "He stays. As troublesome as he is, he'll add some much needed comic relief to the show."

"You do know I'm sitting right here?" Kotetsu said peevishly, adding a wave.

"Ratings have been comparatively low for the show for the last two years. I reviewed the tape the last time Wild Tiger was featured in the special-"

"Helloooo?"

"-And to say he added a degree of unpredictable levity is an understatement. Between the pair of you, I'm expecting great things," Lloyds said smugly. "First rehearsal is at one o'clock sharp on location."

"Today?" The pair squawked.

"Today and every day at the same time right up to the night of the broadcast. It's a live event so it needs to be perfect."

"Hey, how come everybody's got lines but me?" Kotetsu piped up.

"Because you can't act. It'll be best if you ad-libbed, so just be yourself." Lloyds fixed him with a hard look and added, "Within reason."

Kotetsu stared innocently back, as if he didn't have clue what his boss might be implying.

By contrast, Barnaby's script was enormous. He was opening the show, hosting the token Mayoral visit, singing a duet with Blue Rose, encouraging the other Heroes to tell their personal Christmas memories around a fire pit, participating in a snowball fight, and leading everyone at the end of the episode in a candlelight skate while they all sang 'Silent Night'. In other words, all things he would never _ever_ consider doing under normal circumstances. "Old man, I'll sign my Porsche over to you if we switch scripts," he said in quiet desperation.

"Huh?"

"No switching," Lloyds said. "Everyone is locked into their roles. For now, the two of you can go out on patrol early so that you can spend the afternoon on set. Go get suited up."

For the next four hours there was little conversation between the pair as they drove around the city, more for the sake of maintaining their visibility to the public and any actual crime fighting. On Barnaby's end, he was silently fretting over the special, more importantly the prospect of having to skate. The last time he had laced on a pair he had been four and his parents had been murdered later that evening. He hadn't touched the cursed things since.

Lounging in the sidecar, Kotetsu was distracted by trying not to hang over the side to vomit. Or do anything else. He was discovering a functional liability of his armored suit that was in direct contrast to the old costume he used to wear. The damned thing wouldn't let him easily drop trou when diarrhea cramps hit.

"Seriously, Bunny. Just pull over at the next drug store. I'll go in and buy them myself. At this point I don't even care how embarrassing it is," he pleaded.

It was the third desperate request and Barnaby finally activated his comlink to get a hold of Saito, their engineer. "For the last time, _no!_ I'm not going to drive around town with a man wearing an adult diaper under his costume!"

Within a half hour, Saito was following along with the transport and its portable bathroom. Tiger took full advantage of the convenience on several occasions during the rest of their patrol.

Neither of them were in much better spirits when they arrived at the shoot location. This area of the park had been cordoned off and, all ready, there were curious onlookers being held back by security. As word continued to spread of the Heroes rehearsals, this place would soon become an absolute madhouse. The prospect of performing in front of his adoring fans made Barnaby's gut clench. If there was anything the blond hated more, it was possibly embarrassing himself in public (unlike Tiger, who had refined it into an art form).

Kotetsu wandered over to where his best friend Rock Bison was reading his script. The huge Hero couldn't remove his helmet without revealing his identity to the crowd, but he had his face plate open. "Couldn't weasel out of this one, huh?" he remarked with a smile.

"Nope," Tiger said and coughed.

Antonio immediately took one step to his right, trying not to be too obvious about it. ". . . You sick?"

"What was your first clue?" Kotetsu said, raising his helmet's visor. Bison immediately recoiled away from him, retching.

The entire area beneath Kotetsu's nose was a mask of light green snot clear down to his chin. He wiggled his fingers with distaste. "These damned reinforced gloves make it impossible for me to blow my nose."

"_Agh!_ Go get cleaned up before the others get here!" Bison cried, shielding his eyes.

"Pussy," Tiger muttered and returned to the transport for about the tenth time in less than two hours.

Cain Morris was the director on set (to everyone's immeasurable relief) while Agnes Joubert stayed back at the OBC Network building. He was a genuinely easygoing sort who didn't resort to threats or intimidation to get the job done and his patience seemingly had no limits. As the Heroes fumbled through their first dry run, he mostly sat back in his chair and laughed his ass off. Particularly when the heroes did their first skate.

All of the engineers on site had added the skate retrofit to their Hero's footwear and it took time in practice for them to adapt to the change to their costumes. Blue Rose, the true Ice Princess, had no such difficulties and was skimming along the surface with perfect grace, executing a flawless layback spin and finishing it with a hairsplitter. She was taking direction from the on-set choreographer who was out on the ice with them. Dragon Kid was enjoying herself almost as much as Karina. Origami Cyclone had traded in his ridiculously high Geta sandals for the skates, so his balance actually improved as he did a few practice laps. When Rock Bison walked onto the surface the ice produced a brittle crack that made everyone's head turn in alarm. The heavily armored Hero immediately fell on his back, struggling like a turtle, until Kotetsu skated over to help him back up.

"Thanks buddy," Tony said, awkwardly testing his balance and attempting a few slides, wobbling.

"No prob," Kotetsu said, skating backwards a short distance, performing a bracket turn, and attempted a half-assed single lutz. He failed to check the rotation on his landing and almost ran into Blue Rose, who caught his shoulder and steadied him before he fell.

"Where did you learn to skate like that?" she asked, surprised. She figured if anyone would be scooting around the ice on his ass, it would be Tiger.

"From my wife," he said, wiping his face with the towel around his neck. He'd removed his helmet and was perspiring freely, his hair hanging in limp strings. "She thought if she could teach me some moves it might help with my balance and coordination. It worked, but only on the ice I guess," he laughed and broke off coughing instead.

"You look like crap," she observed with her usual bluntness. She powered away from him, executed a perfect salchow with a deep lunge at the end, and came back to circle around him.

"Feel like it," he responded. He tried a crossed chasse with a step sequence, stumbled, and managed to save himself a nasty fall with a sloppy rocker turn. "Man, I'm rusty."

"Still, you're better than the other guys. Especially him," she nodded over to where Barnaby was still standing on the sidelines, staring at the ice as if it were full of sharks.

Kotetsu skated over, coming to a quick hockey stop in front of him and spraying shaved ice across his legs. Barnaby glared daggers at him.

"C'mon Bunny. Baby steps," he said with a smile, holding out a hand.

Barnaby looked at the proffered appendage with distaste. He pulled a bottle of disinfectant out of a hidden pocket and sprayed Tiger's hand before taking it and stepping gingerly out on the ice. "I skated as a child. It should come back to me quickly."

"That was three feet and a hundred and twenty pounds ago," Kotetsu said, pulling him slowly out on the ice.

Barnaby looked at him sharply. "One hundred and twenty?"

". . . One thirty?"

"How heavy do you think I am?" Barnaby cried and almost fell.

"Well, I'm one sixty and you're an inch taller than me and your ass is bigger-" Barnaby was beginning to turn purple while his partner rambled on; "And you've got hips like a woman, I guess it must be from all that kicking you do, and-"

"For heaven's sake! I'm only a hundred and fifty-eight pounds!" Barnaby snapped, pushing him back. His feet immediately went out from underneath of them.

Tiger didn't catch him because he was speed skating across the ice in a mad sprint to get back to the transport and its bathroom.

"Thanks a lot!" Barnaby shouted after him, struggling to get back up. He was subtly deposited to his feet by a gentle gust of wind.

"Are you uninjured?" Sky High politely inquired.

"I'm fine," Barnaby muttered, sparing a veiled glance over to where the people were watching. And laughing. He ducked his head in shame.

"All right! That's good to hear," the aerial Hero said and swept off across the ice, flawlessly executing a toe loop that led into a heart-stopping quadruple jump as if he had performed on ice all of his life. It wasn't until Barnaby looked closer that he realized Sky High's skates weren't even touching the surface. "You're using your powers! That's not fair!"

Executing a nifty salute (that Barnaby suspected was sarcastic) the flyer used his wind powers to execute a swift spin and until he was a blur to the eye and then broke it off with a high stag leap and went off across the ice like a shot. The throng by the barricade applauded and cheered while Barnaby silently seethed.

From there, they rehearsed the first fire pit chat. As the Heroes awkwardly reviewed their scripts, Cain and the set director, a man named Donald, watched on and added their own critiques.

"This is going to be aired Primetime so the darkness will add to the mood," Cain said in a low voice. "Blue Rose with add some real snowflakes, too."

"It's still missing something," Donald remarked. "You want some soft audio playing carols in the background?"

"No, Agnes wants this to be as natural as possible."

"Blue Rose plays the piano, right? How about-"

"Somehow a Steinway piano around the fire doesn't seem quite right." His bushy eyebrows lifted and he turned to the group. "Hey, do any of you guys know how to play a guitar?"

"I know the cello," Barnaby supplied helpfully. Nobody looked particularly surprised.

"Tiger plays the guitar," Bison said.

"Huh?" Kotetsu mumbled, looking up from where he was seated. He was getting quietly toasted off a bottle of NyQuil that was about half empty and he was barely able to keep his eyes open.

"He can?" Blue Rose piped up with interest.

"He any good?" Was Cain's next question. It wouldn't be any good if Tiger could only pluck 'Happy Birthday'.

"Yeah, he can play just about anything," Antonio remarked. "It's a pretty guitar, too. It's blue."

"It's a Celebrity CC44 Acoustic-electric mid-depth Ovation guitar*," Kotetsu spoke up, getting peeved how everyone seemed to have adopted Lloyds' practice of talking about him as if he wasn't there. "And yeah, it's blue."

_First the skating and now this?_ Blue Rose was looking at Tiger as if aliens had performed some miraculous body switch.

"Bring it to rehearsal tomorrow," Cain told him and then they moved on to the next scene. It was the duet between Blue Rose, playing the piano, and Barnaby and they rehearsed "Winter Wonderland". It was an almost flawless first take, but neither Cain or Annette, the music supervisor, were satisfied.

"They have absolutely no chemistry together," the woman remarked with disappointment. "None at all."

"Well, they _are_ rivals," was all that Cain could say.

"That has to be shelved for the show and we both know it. Try it again!" she called over to the pair.

"Again?" Barnaby muttered under his breath. He glared at the young woman sitting at the piano. "Try to get your lines straight this time."

"Stop trying to look prettier than me," she hissed back.

"Bitch."

"Asshole."

"And-a one, a-two, three," the Music Supervisor called out. "Go!"

The two Heroes went through it again but there might as well have been a wall between them as they simply focused on their individual lyrics and deliberately avoided eye contact throughout the number. Annette was shaking her head when it was over and Cain suggested, "How about if we try it with the other male Heroes and see if something clicks?"

She looked uneasy. "I don't know. Ms. Joubert made it pretty clear that she wanted it between those two since they're the most popular."

"Doesn't mean much of all they do is glare at each other," Cain said and turned to where the other Heroes were gathered. "Sky High! Come on over here. Let's try a take."

As things turned out, Keith had a perfect baritone for singing but the fact that he had to do it through his ugly helmet was problematic, and it didn't help that he couldn't remember even the simplest of carols. When he faltered on 'Jingle Bells' for the third time in a row, he was replaced by Ivan. The young man had a sweet tenor that blended nicely with Karina's flawless soprano, but his costume wasn't exactly holiday themed. He also had the tendency to make peculiar, awkward movements throughout their rendition of 'The First Noel'. Rock Bison's puke-green armor was a definite turn-off and the Hispanic was completely tone-deaf. They never even got through 'O Christmas Tree' before Annette was screaming at him to _Please for the love of God stop!_

When it finally came around to Kotetsu, he was fast asleep. Barnaby roughly nudged him awake. "Your turn, old man."

"Uhm? Oh." He blinked, got slowly to his feet and soldiered on over to the piano. He passed Karina a weary nod and shuffled through the choir sheet. "What d'you want us to sing?"

Cain noticed how Karina looked interested for the first time since these choir rehearsals started and thought _"Bingo!"_ in his mind. He conversed briefly with Annette and they decided on "Baby It's Cold Outside" for the duo. It was a perfect choice. The neon green highlights of Tiger's armor added to the spirit of the season and Kotetsu had his helmet off, relying on that domino mask to keep his identity hidden. He wasn't in Barnaby's over-the-top metrosexual league of attractiveness, but he had a rugged appeal his partner couldn't match and his dark skin tone complemented Blue Rose's pale complexion perfectly. Because he was sick, his voice was rough and it cracked on several occasions, but he was still in tune and at least managed to nail his lines. Another bonus was Karina's clear excitement performing with him. As they were nearing the end of the song, they were looking into each other's eyes with some kind of peculiar chemistry-

-and then Tiger leaned over the piano and threw up.

"Uh, he should be okay by Christmas Eve," Cain told Annette, grimacing.

Things progressed relatively smoothly until the snowball fight rehearsal, and that was when Cain detected some potential for real trouble. For one thing, Barnaby didn't appear to know what to do. He would grip a fistful of snow and toss it apathetically into the air. When Sky High accidently nailed him in the face, the blond walked off the set in a sulk, snow dripping off of his glasses. Origami wanted to play but he hesitated singling anyone out, scared he might make someone mad. Blue Rose and Dragon Kid were having fun but the younger girl quickly chilled and burst into tears when snow went down the back of her costume. Kotetsu had chosen to bow out of this practice, too sick to participate, until Rock Bison nailed him in the back of the head with a snowball the size of a watermelon. It knocked Tiger completely off of his feet and when he looked around, it was clear he was furious. He tackled Antonio and the two began brawling across the set. It took the rest of the Heroes to finally pull them apart.

The gathering crowd, thinking this was all part of the show, cheered wildly.

"Alright!" Cain shouted. "That's enough for today! I'll see you all tomorrow at one o'clock." By this point it was almost seven p.m. and he still had to go over all the changes with Donald and Annette and rest of the production staff, and then send out the revised scripts to the Heroes' companies first thing in the morning. It was going to be a long night.

Tiger wasn't in much better health the next day and neither were Barnaby's spirits. In the script revision the only thing he was pleased to see that he was now doing a solo song "Blue Christmas" so that his partner could do the duet with Karina. When they arrived on set, the biggest changes had been made to Antonio, Keith, and Ivan's costumes. The director of photography, Adam, had almost had a stroke when he viewed the test footage and demanded the outfits be scaled down for the show, the helmets removed. "Either that, or you include a scene where we hang tinsel and ornaments on Bison because he looks like a big-assed tree!" he shouted. Cain relented and changes were made.

Poor Kotetsu had thought he was hallucinating the first time he caught sight of Antonio's changeover. The huge drillbits on Bison's shoulders had been removed and when he turned to look at Tiger, it was without his helmet. Kotetsu caught sight of styled jet-black hair and large sunglasses and thought he was seeing the Terminator live and in person. It didn't help when Keith came up alongside him wearing an auburn wig and a cheesy moustache. And Ivan, well, he didn't look like Ivan at all. He had changed his appearance to look Asian. With bright blond hair. That was probably the worst of the lot. Kotetsu looked at the near-empty bottle of DayQuil in his hand, pitched it over his shoulder, and spent most of that day quietly resting in the transport.

The rest of the week had their shares of ups and down. Twice they were interrupted by NEXT criminals who tried to take advantage of the distracted Heroes by attempting some rather fantastic crime sprees. On those occasions, the rehearsals went on late into the night and, as expected, nerves were getting raw from the stress. Barnaby had to take private lessons from the choreographer just so that he could move naturally during the skating scene and not look as if he had rigor mortis. With the woman's patient instructions, Barnaby graduated to something that almost passed for human. Sky High had something of breakdown during a fire scene practise when he lamented that this special was depriving him quality time with his beloved dog. The next day they had John, the Hero's golden retriever, frolicking around the set and piddling against every leg he found. Blue Rose practically had a fit when she slipped on some of the dog's leavings and fell head first into Bison's crotch (he didn't complain much). Dragon Kid was in the throes of puberty and she freaked out with each new pimple she saw in the mirror. Only the magic of the on-set make-up artist managed to calm her down.

Among them all, Cain was most worried about Kotetsu. The Hero's flu had turned into a nasty cold and his usual manic energy level was practically non-existent. A lot was riding on Tiger to lighten the mood and keep the rest of the Heroes rallied and motivated but so far he seemed to be stuck in neutral. Viewers were already showing interest in previews of the event and Cain figured Wild Tiger's involvement this year was one of the reasons. He wasn't a high ranking Hero, but people liked to watch him because they were never quite sure just what shit he was going to get into. Cain could only pray he'd pull out of his slump come show-time.

The day before the special was set to air, it seemed that Barnaby's concern that first day in Lloyds' office was justified: Some of the other Heroes were starting to exhibit symptoms of the illness that had sidelined Tiger. Cain was hoping desperately that it was just exhaustion and, despite his better judgement, let all of the Heroes rest on Christmas Eve until late afternoon for the final run-through. He wasn't a religious man but he was actually praying that things would work out and he'd have a flawless broadcast to add to his resume.

God wasn't listening. As things turned out, He appeared to have one sick, twisted sense of humor.

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><p><em>*Judging by the picture on the "Tiger &amp; Bunny Character Song CD", this appears to be the model guitar that was used for the artwork.<em>


	2. Showtime

**December 24, 1977.**

On the afternoon that the special was set to air, Dragon Kid showed up on set first, her transport moving slowly through the gathered throng that, by now, contained thousands of eager onlookers. It was overcast, windy, and bitterly cold. The girl was wearing a flesh-toned bodysuit beneath her outfit and a heavy parka over it. She was shivering and clearly miserable.

Cain went over to her, grinning from ear to ear. "This is your first Christmas Eve special! How do you feel about that?" he asked eagerly.

Pao-Lin bent her head and vomited on his shoes.

_Well shit, that's not good,_ Cain thought, looking down.

Ivan wasn't in much better shape and he seemed to have adopted an odd glitch to his power that made him lose his form every time he sneezed. It was kind of entertaining, really. One sneeze transformed him from his Asian disguise into a woman, and another into an elderly man, before a third changed him to some other default. He didn't seem to notice it was happening and Cain decided not to tell him. Neither did anyone else.

Blue Rose arrived in even bitchier form than normal and it wasn't until Annette took the frustrated Director aside that he understood what was wrong. Karina's period had started a few days early and she had really bad cramps. It was at about this point that Cain seriously considered taking up drinking.

Sky High arrived with John in tow. The dog was wearing an adorable bandana and didn't seem to mind the antlers his owner had super-glued on him. He was permitted to run around loose on the set, to the chagrin of the interns assigned to clean up after him. At any given time there was always at least one of the young staffers chasing after the dog with a black baggy in hand.

Rock Bison arrived with a groupie beneath either huge arm and a broad grin plastered on his face. Ever since he was allowed to take off his helmet in public, he had been relishing in the upswing of adoring fans to the point that he hadn't needed to go to his apartment in days. He hadn't slept much either, and the wear and tear from all the partying and screwing around was finally starting to show.

Cain went over to him after his little friends had all been herded back behind the barricade. "How you doing, Tony?" He was staring at the swaying giant with concern.

"Man, I'm freakin fan_tas_tic!" Tony hollered, and belched in the Director's face. His breath reeked of Tequila.

"Can I have a carafe of coffee over here?" Cain shouted desperately, leading the Hero over to a chair that could actually support his weight.

When Barnaby showed up, he immediately went to the ice and began his practise laps. He did this while carefully rehearsing his lines, ever the consummate professional. He had his helmet on, indicating that he didn't want to be disturbed and it was clear that he was taking this whole thing way too seriously. Cain was alarmed when he couldn't spot Kotetsu until he heard the Hero's voice over where the crowd was situated. "Okay! Someone fire off a request. Remember, let's keep this a holiday theme, folks." Tiger was seated on a stool with his guitar plugged into the amplifier. Unlike his partner, his helmet was off and he was wearing his familiar mask as he looked expectantly at the thrilled onlookers.

"'Burn it to the Ground' by Nickelback!" some wiseass called from the back.

-and damned if Kotetsu didn't immediately launch into the tight, strong rhythm of that particular drinking song, to the delight of all of the headbangers in the audience. He aggressively played the lick and, just as it looked like he was going to sing, he downscaled the tempo and began to pluck out 'Jungle Bells'. The crowd groaned, laughed, and applauded.

Both Cain and Annette breathed a sigh of relief. "He's back to normal. At least that's one thing I don't have to worry about tonight," the director said and focused on the things he _did_ have to worry about.

Actually, Kotetsu was far from fine. If the truth be known, he was still feeling damned lousy, but he was a seasoned professional who understood the saying 'the show must go on' far better than any of his younger counterparts. Despite what Lloyds and the others might have thought, he was a damned fine actor when it came to faking his own personal wellbeing and this occasion was no different. He knew Cain was counting on him so he simply downed a couple of extra cups of coffee with some Pepto-Bismol and Gravol, forced a smile on his face and got to work. He entertained the crowd for over half an hour before being called over for the final rehearsal.

The group did a flawless albeit apathetic dry run that finally left Cain with the impression he might still have a job the next morning. He let the Heroes have a final break to loosen up and get ready for the eight o'clock broadcast. There was a buffet table nearby with beverages and snacks for the cast and crew and Kotetsu eyed the selection with unusual reluctance. He spotted a tin container half-full of brownies and took one, hoping desperately he could keep it down. As he was walking away, he took a small bite -

-and immediately froze in mid-step, his eyes widening in shock.

A crewmember was reaching for one of the tempting treats and Kotetsu ran over, knocked it out of his hand, and snatched the tin container from the table. He trotted over to the caterer. "Where did these brownies come from?" he asked urgently.

"The King of Heroes baked them," the woman said, pointing over to where Sky High was signing autographs. "Wasn't that sweet?"

Keith looked up when he saw Kotetsu marching towards him and raised his arm cheerfully. "Hello Mr. Tiger, and again, hel-" The Hero grabbed the 'redhead' by that arm and pulled him a short distance away.

"What'd you put in these brownies?" Kotetsu whispered to him.

"Eggs, cocoa, and lots of love!" Keith said with a broad smile.

"What else? Some special herbs and spices maybe?"

"I only used what was in the mix I bought."

Kotetsu faltered, wondering if maybe his cold was affecting his taste buds. He could have sworn . . .

Keith finally remembered something. "Oh! I was out of butter and had to go over to my neighbor to borrow some. You'd really like him, Mr. Tiger. He's always smoking those medicinal cigarettes you like so much. He gave me some butter, but he called it by an odd name-"

". . . Cannabutter? Butterjuana?"

"That's it!" the Hero exclaimed and Damn-oh damn, Tiger could see how red-rimmed and glassy the man's piercing blue eyes really were this close up. Keith must have been snacking on his love brownies all day long. It gave a whole new meaning to the name 'Sky High'.

"Was this tin full when you brought it?"

"Yes."

Kotetsu looked around, his eyes scanning the sea of faces of people on the set; Heroes and crew alike. While he was looking for zombies Blue Rose stomped over to them. "Tiger! Why are you hogging the brownies that Sky High baked for us? You're supposed to share them!"

"Seriously, Rose, you don't want these-"

"You don't know what I want, Mr. Greedy. Gimme one."

"No! I'm trying to explain-"

"Who are you to tell me I can't do something?" She shouted in his face: "You. Are _not_. _My father!_ Even if you _are_ old enough to be him."

Tiger's eyes narrowed a fraction. If he had been feeling a hundred percent he probably would have weathered her abuse better. Instead, he simply held out the tin and said, "Help yourself."

By now, Barnaby was confident that he had everything memorized to perfection and freely walked among the set, offering a dazzling smile to the crowd who were cheering at him. He didn't know why he was feeling so nervous. He'd been on television before, after all. He was handsome, charismatic, and the acting lessons he'd taken in his teenage years were finally paying off. In fact, there was only one thing that could possibly jeopardize his night of stardom and he spotted that person standing off to one side, waiting for Cain to get off the phone from his conversation with Agnes Joubert. "Old man!"

Kotetsu turned and smiled nervously at him. "Oh, hi Bunny. All ready for the show?"

"That's what I want to talk to you about," the blond said. "I want to make things perfectly clear that whatever antics you get up to tonight, you'll leave me out of them. Understand?"

"Uh, no. Not really, I-"

"Don't play dumb. You're going to pull something stupid the second this goes live and I'm warning you that you'd better leave me out of it. I won't be embarrassed on national television. Working with you is bad enough. Got it?" Barnaby made the mistake of poking his partner in the chest as he said this.

Kotetsu looked down at that finger, back up to his partner's unfriendly face, and marginally turned his head and saw that Cain was now off the phone. Rather than rush over to the director with his discovery, he offered the container of brownies to Barnaby instead. "Want one? Sky High made 'em." When the blond hesitated, he added the two magic words: "They're vegan."

Forty-five minutes later, Cain called from his director's chair: "Alright everybody, listen up. We go live in two minutes. Barnaby, please go to your mark. Get ready, Mario." He rubbed his hands together and grinned over at the Hero standing quietly beside him. "I've directed dozens of these things in the booth but this is my first time on an actual set. It's really exciting."

Kotetsu had his guitar slung over his right shoulder like a war axe. There was an unusually smug look on his face as he remarked, "Aw hell, Cain. The excitement hasn't even started yet."

"No?" It made sense, he supposed. Tiger had already done six of these specials so there was probably little the veteran Hero hadn't seen before. To Cain, this was still all brand new. "What makes you say that?"

"Because half of your stars are stoned out of their minds on magic brownies," he said and calmly walked over to his assigned spot on set.

"Oh, that's nice," Cain said absently, reading through the script. He suddenly snapped his head up. "Wait . . . _What?_"

"Places everyone!" Adam shouted. "Quiet on the set. Cameras three and four, tighten up. Get ready to call it Cain. Hey Cain . . . ?"

Cain was gripping the armrests of his chair looking like he was about to launch out of his seat. Just where he was preparing to go was an unknown. At this point he was thinking Siberia, but figured Agnes would track him down wherever he went. Putting his face in his hands, he moaned, "Action." He really didn't want to watch what came next.

The "On Air" lights came up on the mixer dash and the cameras all tightened up on the HeroTV announcer, Mario, as he read the lead-in; "'Twas the night before Christmas and the Heroes are here; To spread to the city their wishes of cheer-"

"Laaame," someone called off-camera. It sounded like Rock Bison.

Mario swallowed and continued to read his script, "Ladies and gentleman, HeroTV and the OBC Network and all its subsidiaries are pleased to announced the fifteenth annual Christmas Eve special featuring: Barnaby Brooks Jr.!" Camera 2 flashed to the Hero who was fussing with his hair. Barnaby, realizing he was on air, broke out into a broad smile. His teeth had flecks of brown on them. "Blue Rose!" She was waving enthusiastically, looking like a complete air-head. "Sky High!" Keith was holding his dog and waving the animal's front paw. The dog looked like he was going to bite his owner's face off. "Wild Tiger!" Kotetsu snapped off his two-handed gun salute at the camera without missing a beat. "Dragon Kid!" She was blowing her nose into a tissue and attempted a sickly smile. "Origami Cyclone!" At this point, Ivan was wearing the face of some old bag lady and grinned through a mouthful of yellow teeth. "Rock Bison!" Tony was ignoring the camera entirely and taking a swig from a hip flask. "Unfortunately Fire Emblem can't be here with us this evening-"

"I'm right here, precious!" Bright pink lips suddenly pressed against camera 2's lens and the flamboyant Hero stepped back and fingered his dimples. "You can't have a Hero special without me!"

"Goddamn it," remarked a voice. Undoubtedly Bison again.

Starting to sweat, Mario finished off with, "And here to welcome you all is our Super Rookie and heartthrob sensation, Barnaby Brooks Jr.!"

The applause sign flashed near the crowd but they had already started cheering even without its prompting.

_Showtime_, Barnaby thought smugly. A spotlight came on from overhead, bathing him in heavenly light that framed the delicate angles of his face and illuminated the sparkles in his hair. He dramatically turned into the nearest camera, swinging his head back in that trademark sweep that made him so loved among the masses. He began opening his mouth to begin his carefully rehearsed and perfectly memorized speech and, all at once, his mind became sudden blank slate. "Uh . . . I-I, uhm . . ."

Kotetsu came up behind him and began playing the Final Jeopardy! theme "Think!" on his guitar. He showed absolutely no inclination to help out his struggling partner as his fingers tapping the fretboard with skilled ease. Barnaby continued to flounder like a fish out of water as the tune played on.

Mercifully, Sky High chose this moment to step in and wrapped an arm around Barnaby's shoulders. "It stands to reason that it should be the King of Heroes' honor to welcome all of the proud citizens of Sternbild to our wonderful New Year's-"

"_Christmas Eve!_" whispered the script supervisor.

"-Christmas Eve special," Keith finished in the same breath. He stepped to the side and unceremoniously buffeted Barnaby off-camera with a burst of wind. "Welcome everyone, and again, everyone welcome!" the Wind Wizard called out, extending his arms. "We have a very, _very_ wonderful show for you tonight-"

"Wait a minute!" Barnaby stomped back into the scene, glowing blue. He roughly shouldered the King of Heroes aside. "This honor was bestowed on _me_ to all welcome all of my-all of _our_ adoring fans-"

"Alas, it should not be a newb to greet this proud city," Keith stated and knocked the blond's legs out from underneath of him with another controlled burst of wind. In the background, Kotetsu now began to play the theme from "Rocky" as Barnaby made a grab for the Hero's legs and missing as Keith rose above the ground a few feet and tapped his boot against the blond's forehead. "That honor should go to me as the rightful place as your one true King! Kneel infidel-"

With a snarl of anger, Barnaby grabbed his ankle and dragged his down to eye level. He was raising his arm to punch the crazed flyer when the Mayor of Sternbild stepped into the frame, looking as awkward as ever. "Uh, is this my cue?" he stage whispered.

Sky High blew Barnaby away (literally) and eagerly grabbed the dark man's shoulders. "Oh, look we have a special guest! It's our proud, brave Mayor of Sternbild who's dropped by for a surprise visit. Hello Mayor Obama!"

"Uhm, m-my name's not-"

"And look! John's saying 'Hi!', too! What a good boy, John!" The golden retriever was eagerly humping the poor Mayor's leg.

Barnaby came back and tackled Sky High, propelling them both off the set. The Mayor was trying to stumble through his opening speech while trying to extricate the excited dog at the same time.

All of the staff and crew behind the cameras were staring with slack-jawed shock at the disaster that was unfolding on live television before their very eyes. Sky High and Barnaby were brawling in the background, the Mayor was trying to shake off the dog, and the rest of the Heroes were plainly seen holding their stomachs, or each other, and braying laughter.

Annette heard the phone ringing in the pocket of Cain's jacket, pulled it out, and passed it quickly over to her boss. "It's Agnes," she whispered.

His head still in his hands, Cain blindly reached over for it, dropped it to the ground and stomped his foot down on it. "I didn't hear anything, did you?"

"Nope," she said, swallowing nervously.

Somehow, they made it to their first commercial break without any fatalities. Cain went stomping over to Kotetsu who watching Ivan, Tony, and Nathan get ready for their song 'We Three Kings'. Fire Emblem was replacing Sky High, who had decided his moment of stardom was now over. He was holding onto Barnaby and sobbing apologies. Barnaby, glasses askew on his face and hair mussed, looked like he wasn't quite sure what planet he was on.

"Magic brownies?" Cain hissed to Tiger. "Seriously? What the hell are you trying to pull? I thought we were friends."

The Asian looked wounded. "I didn't bake them, Cain! Honest! Sky High did. I didn't even know they were there until over half of them got eaten by the cast and crew. You'll be happy to know I disposed of the rest-" he pressed a fist to his mouth and burped.

". . . Great."

"Don't worry, I saved you a couple."

"Thanks. I'll eat them while I'm standing at the unemployment line," Cain grumbled.

Taking note of the man's solemn expression, Kotetsu broke out into a broad grin. "It'll be alright. I remember one year when Stealth Soldier got drunk on his ass and threw up all over Purple Lotus. Another time Stiletto got caught screwing the boom operator behind the Christmas Tree. This kind of shit happens every year. Relax!"

"Thirty seconds!" Donald cried, his voice breaking with stress.

Cain gave up and returned to his director's chair, muttering, "'Relax', he says. 'Relax'." He released a bewildered laugh, shaking his head.

The commercial was over and the camera panned over to Origami Cyclone, who had adopted the form of David Hasselhoff for some strange reason; Fire Emblem; and Rock Bison, who was trying to squirm beyond the pyrokinetic's grasp. Tony ended up grasping 'Ivan' and using him as a human shield. The music began playing and on cue they all burst into song with Nathan drowning them out with his powerful baritone: "_We Three Queens_-"

"-_of Orient are_- Hey!" Bison bawled. "Smarten up!"

Ivan burst out laughing, sneezed, and suddenly looked like Dolly Parton. The increase in bust size popped off the chest piece of his armor. One of the camera operators, who had greatly enjoyed Sky High's tasty brownies, immediately zoomed in on the Hero's chest. Ivan was wearing a tank top beneath his costume but it did little to hide the massive bosom, especially when the cold made the nipples stand out in stark relief. The show's "G" rating suddenly became "PG-13" in the span of seconds.

Cain rushed over and shouldered the cameraman aside and took over the duty, pulling the view lens back and focusing on Antonio instead. The huge Hispanic was staring unabashedly at his rival's breasts, practically drooling.

"Cue music again!" Annette hissed at the audio director, and this time the three Heroes burst into the correct song, although their conflicting voices absolutely mangled it. The chorus ended with Tony shouting, "For the last time! Get your hand off my ass. I swear to god I'm gonna sue you!"

After another merciful commercial break came the chat around the fireplace. All of the Heroes were seated around the roaring flames while Kotetsu gently strummed Christmas tunes. Blue Rose, intently watching Tiger play his instrument, added snowflakes to the night air and the scene had the majestic quality that Donald, the set director, had been counting on. In the distance, audience participants were holding little lights to simulate candles, which added to the peaceful mood.

Cain was still visibly tense. "Man, if Barnaby starts up with his dead-parents-Batman crap, we'll be sunk for sure," he muttered.

"Oh, he wouldn't say anything depressing like that-" Annette began.

"You know, I remember my last night with my parents-" Barnaby spoke up, his face glum. He appeared on the verge of yet another one of his infamous breakdowns.

Cain slapped his hands to his face. "Shit!"

"Hey Bunny, wanna brownie?" Tiger interrupted his partner, holding up a treat.

Barnaby practically tackled him for the sweet and it served to mercifully shut him up. Kotetsu enlightened the rest of the Heroes with his unscripted, and previously unheard, Christmas memory: "A few years ago I decided to surprise my kid for Christmas. I drove all night to get home and it was still dark when I got there so I got it into my head to play Santa Claus. I started putting presents under the tree and I must have made one helluva racket, cause I woke her up. Now, my little girl obviously takes after me because she tore out of her bedroom, saw this stranger stumbling around in her dark living room, and do you know what she did? She ran across the room and kicked me right in the nuts!" He added a dramatic _twang!_ on the guitar for emphasis but it was barely heard over the other Heroes' laughter. "I spent the rest of that morning curled around a bag of frozen peas."

"There you go. A public service message for all you daddys out there," Antonio said into the nearest camera, brandishing an erect finger for emphasis. "Let Santa do his job."

That tale inspired the others to share their most embarrassing Christmas moments, none of which followed the carefully written, obviously rehearsed scripts Cain and the others had been expecting. Ivan, now in the form of Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation, was retelling his first kiss that had happened under the mistletoe. It didn't help his image when he let it slip that it had been with a school chum named Edward. Blue Rose, who was Jewish, commented on a conversation she'd had with her Rabbi about whether or not Santa Claus was circumcised. Excited by the conversation, and still practically a child herself, Dragon Kid excitedly told the others of Dun Che Lao Ren, the Chinese version of Santa that translated into "Christmas Old Man"-

"Hah! Old man!" Barnaby suddenly piped up, pointing to Tiger. He giggled madly. "That must have been you moonlighting."

"Not surprising. I am a man of many talents," Kotetsu remarked, refusing to be baited.

"Really?" Blue Rose asked breathlessly. She almost swooned when Kotetsu pursed his lips, pantomiming a kiss in her direction.

Pao-Lin went on with her tale of Christmas which began with charming family-oriented celebrations and ended with a fireworks display she had accidently set off with her powers that almost resulted in burning down her village. "To this day I can't look at fried chicken without crying," she remarked sadly while the others roared laughter.

"I truly experienced a Christmas miracle," Sky High piped up. "Santa must have known I was lonely because I woke up on Christmas morning to the sound of barking. There, beneath my tree and wearing a bright red ribbon, was a little puppy." He suddenly pulled John in close for a tight hug. "It was love at first sight. Thank you Santa, and again, thank you!" he waved into the nearest camera while the dog fixed him with a look that clearly said, "Idiot."

Antonio related the tale of his first Christmas as a Hero and having to work that day. He had stumbled into an illegal prostitution ring where all of the hookers had been dressed as elves and Santas. He finished his raunchy tale with a cheesy grin and a wave into the camera. "Thank you Mrs. Santa, and again, thank you!"

"I remember my first Christmas Eve with my young lover, Philip-" Nathan started to say.

"Cut to commercial!" Cain called desperately and, just like that, the fire scene was over.

Donald called over to him, "Agnes is on my phone. She _really_ wants to talk to you."

_I'll bet she does,_ the harried director thought somberly. "Take a message. Alright, Blue Rose and Tiger. Go take positions for your duet."

"Yay!" Karina said, running over to her piano. She began pushing up her bustier and waving the make-up artist over to help freshen up her lipstick and eye shadow. Nearby, Kotetsu was combing his hair back and paused to squirt some breath freshener into his mouth.

Cain was watching the pair with a confused look on his face and shook his head to himself. "Naw . . . couldn't be what I'm thinking," he muttered, troubled. "Could it?" He cast a glance to Annette who shrugged.

When the show resumed airing, Blue Rose began playing with an unusual flourish to her arms while Wild Tiger leaned against the piano, his long legs crossed at the ankles and smiling at the younger Hero as she began to sing, "_I really can't stay_ . . . "

"_Baby, it's cold outside_," Tiger joined her.

"_I've got to go away_ . . ."

"_Ooh baby, it's cold outside_." That previous sickly rasp to his voice was now a smooth, sexy purr.

Her eyes were huge and sparkling. "_So nice and warm_ . . ."

"_Look out the window at that storm_." He hoisted himself up on the piano's surface and began to move closer while they sang.

"_My mother will start to worry_ . . ."

"_Beautiful, what's your hurry?_"

"_I ought to say no, no, no, sir_ . . ."

"_Mind if I move closer?_" He was up near the sheet music now, supporting his head on one hand as he smiled down at her.

She batted her eyes at him. "_My sister will be suspicious_ . . ."

"_God, your lips look delicious._" He licked his own suggestively.

Cain and Annette were looking at each other in dumbfounded shock. None of that lecherous behaviour had even been hinted at in any of the previous rehearsals. Off-camera the other six Heroes were staring at the pair in complete astonishment, not one word spoken among them. A true rarity.

"_Brr, its cold . . . It's cold out there._ . . " Blue Rose sang, feigning a shudder.

Tiger leaned nearer to her. "_Can't you stay awhile longer, baby?_"

"_Well . . . I really shouldn't . . . alright ._ . . " she breathed. White vapour sailed out of her mouth and he inhaled it eagerly.

"_Make it worth your while, baby_." His lips skimmed her cheek.

"_Ahh, do that again_ . . . " Her hands left the keyboard at the song's end and quickly cupped his face. The pair suddenly kissed, a slow thorough fusing of their lips, both moaning in pleasure. The audience almost swarmed the barricades in their crazed excitement. Everyone was so completely stunned by the two Heroes' antics that nobody even realized anything was wrong until Tiger began struggling.

Nathan reacted first, grabbing a bottle of water and heating it in his hand as he rushed forward. "His lips are frozen to hers! He can't breath!" He poured the hot water over their joined mouths, separating them. Tiger gripped his scalded face and fell off the piano, screaming in pain.

Blue Rose, the water instantly freezing on her super-cooled body, burst into tears. The moisture sealed her eyelids shut and her howls of pain began echoing her partner's.

"Serves you right, you dirty old man," Fire Emblem scolded lightly, half-carrying, half-dragging Kotetsu over to where a medic was waiting. Karina was walking around blindly, arms stretched out and knocking things over, before Pao-Lin stepped into the frame and steadied her.

"Cut to commercial," Cain called out. He felt like he was about to throw up.

What followed next was supposed to be the group skate where Blue Rose's ice dancing talents were going to be showcased to the tune of the 'Nutcracker Suite'. While she was being treated by the medic, Cain switched scenes to Barnaby's solo instead. Recognizing his chance at redemption, the blond was more than eager to show off his talents. "I want to sing my song twice."

"What? Why?" Annette asked suspiciously.

"I want to make it extra-special for my fans."

Cain agreed to the odd request knowing full well that all of these commercial breaks had screwed up with their program length. If Barnaby could buy them a few extra minutes, he was all for it. Besides, there wasn't much trouble he could get up to on his own. "Sure. You've got it. Ready in three, two, one- You're on!"

This time there was no forgetting his lines as Barnaby launched into a flawless rendition of 'Blue Christmas', straying closer to where the keening crowd were reaching for him. Most of the younger girls were crying in the extremity of their excitement. The music looped and played again, and this time Barnaby added something extra to the lyrics.

"_I'll have a blue Christmas without you_-" He began peeling off his gloves.

"Oh no, no, no, no," Cain, Donald, and Adam were chanting.

"_I'll be so blue just thinking about you_-" Now the wrist guards were coming off.

"Oh yes, yes, yes, yes," Annette and the rest of the ladies on the set were chanting (including Fire Emblem).

"_Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree_-" Barnaby pulled his chest piece over his head and then fixed his mussed hair with a playful toss. "_Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me_." He was kicking off his lower leg guards. The audience shrieked their approval.

"_And when the blue snowflakes start falling_-" Off came the armor on his thighs. "_That's when those blue memories start calling."_ He was just in his black, formfitting bodysuit now and ran his hands suggestively up his body, reaching for the fastener behind his neck.

"_You'll be doing alright with your Christmas of white_-" He undid the back of his suit and began peeling his top off, exposing his sculpted chest and toned arms. "_But I'll have a blue Christmas-_" His hands began reaching for the fastener at his waist. "_You'll be doing alright with your Christmas of white-_" The lower half of his suit began slowly easing down his hips. "_But I'll have a blue, blue-_"

The crowd finally had enough. They broke through the barricades and swarmed him in a single, frenzied unit. It wasn't long before thousands of crazed fans took over the set. By the time Rock Bison, Dragon Kid, Sky High, Fire Emblem, and Origami Cyclone managed to restore some semblance of order, their timeslot was long gone. That officially marked the end of the HeroTV Christmas Eve special. All things considered, Cain considered it a blessing in disguise and ordered the set to be packed up (and burned). The riot police were called in to help disperse the remaining stragglers until it was just the production staff and the Heroes left standing and looking around, like survivors of some disastrous battle.

"Man, I need a drink," Bison said at last. He was finally sober for the first time tonight and decided he didn't much like it. Standing beside him, his face red as a lobster and his lips blistered, Kotetsu silently nodded in agreement.

All of the excitement had helped burn the illness out of Pao-Lin. For the first time tonight she looked fresh-faced and eager. "That was fun!" Beside her, Ivan sneezed weakly and transformed into Whoopi Goldberg. "No, it wasn't," 'she' said.

"Oh, my poor, poor hair," Barnaby muttered, still in partial shock, a blanket wrapped abound his body. His fans had stripped him naked and damn near scalped him. He was looking into a mirror and trying to come to grips with the appearance of what was left of his once-proud blond mane. Until it all grew back, he was going to have to wear a wig.

"That's what you get for deciding to show off before my finale!" Blue Rose huffed, apparently back to bitch-mode now. At this point in time, she and Tiger were going out of their way to avoid any kind of direct eye contact.

"Well, I for one and so glad that I came tonight. I wouldn't have missed this for the world!" Nathan gushed, blowing a kiss at Tony whose eyes narrowed in anger.

Sky High was sitting on the ground patting his dog. "You were a very good boy tonight, John. Yes, you were!" The dog decided he'd finally had enough of this evening's insanity and pissed on him before slinking over to his owner's transport in preparation for the return trip home.

"What the hell happened here tonight?" growled a distinctly furious voice and Agnes Joubert stomped onto what remained of the set. Her jade eyes unerringly homed in on Cain.

"I'll put all the details in my letter of resignation in the morning," the director murmured, clearly exhausted.

The producer blinked in confusion. "Resignation?"

"Unless you're firing me right here and now, that is." He sounded almost hopeful.

"Nobody's getting fired," Agnes snapped. "I want to know why the show didn't run for the full hour! You cut production just when the crowd got started skinning Barnaby. What were you thinking?"

"I just figured, at that point, things were completely out of control," Cain said in lame defense.

"Are we talking about the same damn show? You lost control ten seconds into the start of the broadcast! The ratings for this special went through the roof-"

"Told you," Tiger whispered, nudging Cain from behind. The director had to submerge the desire to whirl around and slug him.

"Besides, I'm going to need you to direct the HeroTV New Year's Eve special," Agnes continued.

Everyone froze and gaped at her in horror. "Huh? _Hey!_ We don't do New Year's Eve shows!" Rock Bison protested.

Agnes put her hands on her hips and leaned towards him. "Thanks to all of your theatrics tonight, from now on you _will_. That was comedy gold, people! I just expect you to draw it out for a full hour the next time. Got it?"

Cain nudged Kotetsu, staring at him with raised eyebrows, and the Hero wordlessly slipped something into his palm. The director walked over to his boss. "Actually, that sounds pretty interesting, Agnes. Why don't we talk about it some more in the morning?" In the background, all of the Heroes began to discreetly move off to their individual transports in unanimous retreat.

Agnes flashed a broad, cunning smile. "I'm so pleased you aren't going to argue. This will be a great production!"

"Oh, I'm sure it will. In the meantime, why don't you have this special treat we saved just for you?" Cain said with a broad smile.

Of course, he was holding out one of Sky High's special brownies.

* * *

><p>~End<p> 


End file.
